Athena Book 23

After reworking my story and reading it five times out loud, some changes I made was taking out some sentences I realized were not supportive and replacing them with more detailed supportive sentences. Some content I changed was Athena's point of view of when Penelope and Odysseus reunited after twenty years. Some changes I made in my delivery was the speed and tone of it.

Hurley Telemachus Revision (22)

After receiving helpful advice from Courtney, I got a good just as to what I needed to revise. The largest part I needed to work on was definitely my epic simile. After thinking about what could fit for my simile I added to my story and read it over to make sure it fit well in the sentence. I also added more details to my sentence relating to who, how, feeling etc... Reading out loud allowed me to noticed there were many more little mistakes I needed to fix that I did not pick up from just looking over my story.

Eurycleia edits

During the revisions, I added a some details and made my writing clearer to read and understand, like using different words and fixing grammar mistakes. My epic simile was expansive enough since the beginning, and I think I may have even made it too expansive, and may shorten it later. While I was reading my monologue aloud, I tried to make the speech more interactive or entertaining. It also helped my talking to add or delete commas or periods to help it come out smoother.

-Courtney :)

Penelope Revision [Book 23]

During the revisions, I added a few more details and cleaned up some of the rough edges in my writing, such as catching any verb-tense mistakes. I made a few grammatical changes as well. I feel like my epic simile is prominent enough already, however I am considering possible changes to make it more precise. When I was reading my monologue aloud, I tried to add emphasis to certain words to
make the performance more interesting/captivating. It also helped me add or delete commas and words to help it flow better as a speech.

- Tally

Odysseus 22 Revision

After reading aloud I changed a lot about my word choice in my monologue to help to make it seem more like something that Odysseus might actually say. After reading my monologue for the third time I started to develop an idea of how I would say my words in an expressive voice to get convey the point I am trying to get across. My partner also provided me with some great ideas on how to improve my essay which really helped guide me in my editing process.

Penelope Book 21

    I changed a lot of aspects of my monologue during the process of revision. My partner made helpful suggestions regarding verb tenses and adding more detail. Other changes I made in the content of my paper included making Penelope's point of view clearer during important events. While practicing my speech, I changed my tone and delivery after each time so that I was pausing and putting emphasis on important words or phrases. I also added words between sentences or events that would make the transitions smoother. I tried to focus on telling the story in a manner that represented Penelope's character traits.

Telemachus Book 21 Revision

I had made numerous edits and additions since my partner gave me good recommendations. For example, I needed to elaborate more on a lot of things and add more epithets and a epic simile. Also I went into more detail from what my character had saw/thought throughout the storytelling.

Book 16-Telemacus

Steve Howard

English 3B

10/15/15

After receiving feedback from David on my rough draft, I began to change the course of my words

 and how they fitted together. I put more emotion and detail into describing some of my characters 

feelings when certain situations accrued. I also worked on my epic simile and added more too it. I 

added an epithet in the beginning.

Odysseus revisions

My revising partner provided a lot of good insight on how to improve the quality of my paper. During the revision process I added an epic simile as well as an epithet. I also made sure to elaborate which added length to the paper as well. While reading I made the flow of the paper better adding grammatical changes.

From my first draft, I ended up changing the flow of my sentences, my wording and description of how Odysseus feels and how I depicted other characters. I delivered my story differently as I chose to use notes instead of memorizing my piece. I added both an epic simile and an epithet after getting feedback from Steve.

Revision

    In the revision, I added epic smilies and epithet. In addition, I made my description more vivid to convey the message and portrait the characteristics of different characters. In the old version, some words and phrases is pretty confusing to readers, so in the revision, I deleted those sentences, and used direct and clear words and phrases.

Michael Aronson Odsseus

After my feedback in class and my self feedback I did lots of revisions.  Most were under the same category.  MOst of my revisions were on eleabortaion.  My partner made very helpful comments that selected areas that needed it and where important events were.  When I was reading it out loud I made lots of comma additions to increase my fluency.

After we left the land of the dead my remaining men and I were left stranded in the sea. For there was no wind, no sight of land, there was nothing. We sailed for many days until finally we made it to an island but still there was nothing but some cattle. I  made them promise to protect the cattle and they did this. While watching the cattle I fell asleep, but when I awoke i was presented with an enormous storm. I realized there was no escape now. We stayed there for several days and nights running out food, water, and our sanity. I prayed to the gods asking for forgiveness and was blessed with a deep slumber.

Shipwrecked-One Odysseus's men

As we escaped the dragon and our ship began to tear pieces. In front of us we saw a beautiful island with plenty of healthy cattle and fresh water. We asked Odysseus if we could board the island but he refused. He looked flabbergasted and stared at the island with disbelief. The rest of the men and I begged him to proceed to the island but he continued to say no. Did he not care for us enough to just let us go to safety? All the men were confused. Odysseus then told us that if we proceed to the island we must not harm any of the cattle at all. None. We all gave him our word that we would do what he asked. He still looked unsure and we kept promising him. Finally we boarded the beautiful island. That night a terrible storm came and all the men were thankful that we did not stay in the sea with a broken ship. Sadly the storm lasted for a month. Odysseus claimed that it was a punishment from the Gods. Soon after Odysseus fell into a deep sleep and did not wake for a great deal of time. While he was asleep the rest of the men and I killed the best cattle on the island and gave it as offerings to the Gods. As soon as we did so the storm stopped and Odysseus woke. When we told him what we had done with the cattle he was furious and alarmed. He told us the meat was cursed and many of us died.

Song of the spheres as told by a siren.

Song of the spheres as told by a siren.




Me and my sisters sat on our desolate island. I absentmindedly chewed on a bone as I stared out into the vast ocean before me. I was hungry. Starving in fact. I hadn't eaten for months, years maybe. The last boat to pass by was full of fools; surely they knew they would encounter us after finding Scylla and Charybdis. Yet not one of them blocked their ears, and all leapt out of the boat attracted to us by our lulling tune. I suddenly hear one of my sisters screech, and I hurriedly head towards her. Sure enough, a boat is passing by. We immediately begin to sing our tune. Our tune shows you your deepest desires, your greatest needs. It tells you what you want to hear. Us, we wanted nothing for dead people to eat, so I'm sure you can guess what it sounds like to us.The boat passed by quickly, not changing course. But as is drew nearer, I saw a man tied to the mast of the ship, struggling, shouting unintelligible words. That's odd.
The boat sped past the island. Unfortunately, not one man jumped off for us to eat. We would starve for many more years to come.

Shipwrecked- Calypso

A man washed up on the beach of my island. He seemed lifeless, beaten and weak. I approached, prepared to push him back into the sea and cast him off to his watery grave. He moved and groaned, pain visibly rippling throughout his body. What had this man done to anger the Gods so? I carried him to my home, my cave. I cared for him as he rested and recovered. I brought him delicious food and slowly restored his strength. During this time, I began to view the man differently. As the days and months passed, he told me the stories of his amazing adventures, his cunning, his bravery. He was no longer a weak vulnerable man, but a strong warrior built for surviving. I offered him immortality, I offered him the possibility of spending eternity together. He declined, so I kept him. I kept him captive on my island, in my cave, for seven years, trying to persuade him to change his mind. He never did. I had no plans to release Odysseus, not until Athena came with force. She ordered that I let him go, and help him on his next journey, and I obeyed. I gave him the supplies he needed to build a raft. He was a quick builder, and I soon found myself waving farewell as I bid my Odysseus goodbye.

Shipwrecked-Scylla's Point of View

    I am an invincible and immortal creature who can never be beaten in battle. In my hidden cave I wait for those who wish to pass through the strait and attempt to fight me off. Foolish mortals fail to realize that I was created to scourge mankind and attacking me will only lead to more destruction. Yet there was one clever man who passed through my cave. He and his crew traveled through on their ship filled with food and supplies, however they appeared to be lost and wandering at sea. The leader's name was Odysseus I believe because this was one of the common last words his crew members shrieked as I flung them into the air. Odysseus sped through my cave, desperately trying not acknowledge my presence or put up a fight. I was impressed by his wisdom as I bit each of the six crew member's heads. However he couldn't ignore my existence forever; the screeches of help from his men that I smacked against the cave walls and chewed limb by limb were unavoidable. I was satisfied by the horror that decorated their white faces, and even more by the fact that Odysseus realized there was nothing he could do to save his six men I had killed.

Shipwrecked-Athena

Odysseus has offered me plenty, and I shall help him. Upon seeing him struggle in the water, I gave him the strength to fight against the sea. For 7 years, Calypso has tried to get Odysseus to stay with her as she nursed him. Poseidon is relentless and has destroyed his ship, however I have given the tools to the nymph. Despite his hardships, Odysseus still gives offerings, therefore I will oversee him until he returns to Ithaca. I pray that he may return home to his wife once he completes his raft.

"Song of the Sirens" Odysseus

While on the voyage back home I encountered Circe and luckily I did because she told me several trials I had to go through while on my journey back to Ithaca. My trials will include my ship having to voyage dangerous straits, which will be frightening. I also have to enter through a cave filled with six headed dragons. I am nervous as Circe is telling me how the six headed dragons will eat multiple men of my crew if we do not stick to the plan she is telling us to follow. I don't even want to think about losing my shipmates because I have gone through such tremendous experiences with them for at least half my life. After I left Circe we confronted the Sirens and I could not imagine not hearing the beautiful sounds of the Sirens so I came up with a plan that I instructed my men to follow. The plan included them to ignore any instructions I made as I yelled and cursed at my shipmates while under the spell. My men must have been terrified, but I did not care because all that mattered was being able to hear the beautiful sounds of the Sirens.

Song of the Sirens- Odysseus

I pondered the information Circe had given me about the journey home and for once in my life I could not think of a cunning plan to outsmart the beasts that we would face. As the wind that she had given us finally began to fail I knew that we were nearing the island of the sirens. Once we left the island of Circe I had explained to my faithful crew exactly what they would do to me so that I may listen to the beautiful song of the sirens without causing us to take the same fate as many other ships before us. I ordered my men to tie me to the mast and block my ears with wax. They were to ignore my instructions while I was under the sirens spell. The song of the siren was so beautiful that I felt as if my life was complete.

Shipwreck - Evan Moore

It was about the time when we came to the island, that Tiresias had previously warned me about, that my crew seemed desperate. They were desperate to mourn the deaths of their fellow crew mates and friends whose lives were taken from the dragon. I urged them the strength to keep going but as I suggested it one of my crew, Eurylochus, turned and spat at me, for he was tired and and wanted to mourn the deaths of his friends. Reluctantly I agreed to the crews demands as we docked our ship on the sun god's island. I did however, make them promise not to harm any of the cattle as Tiresias had warned me before. When we finally fell asleep in a cave we awoke to the sound of a raging storm. Eurylochus pointed out that if we had listened to me that would have been us in the middle of the storm. A month had passed and the storm did not show any signs of coming to a stop and our food supplies started diminishing, making the cattle much more difficult not to eat. I knew however if we were to eat the cattle our fates would be sealed to certain death. I decided to walk around the island to the one dry spot and made a fire. I sacrificed what little remained to the gods in hope to make the storm subside. I suddenly fell into a deep sleep. When I awoke the storm had passed and I was surprised to find my crew sitting around the fire, eating meat. It was then I noticed the two cow carcasses and knew they had sealed their fates. As we began our voyage it was long until Zeus struck down the ship and we were trapped in the whirlpool Cryptos. As we struggled I grabbed ahold of a fig tree branch to stay above the surface as I watched my men drown. I managed to escape and float on a piece of my ship for several days. It was then I reached the island of the nymph Calypso.  For 7 years Calypso tried to convince me to stay with her. She suggested that if I were to stay she would grant me immortality, though I refused. Reluctantly she gave me the tools necessary to build a raft and I was on my way home.

Land of the Dead: Tiresias

It was just another day of wandering in the land of the dead until a rare occasion of a living mortals sacrifice by their blood getting poured in a hole summoned me and numerous other spirits. The man who made the sacrifice must have held of all the other spirits to not drink the blood and guided me to the pit by using his voice. I was able to tell who made the sacrifice, it was Odysseus. He came to me in search for a way back to rocky Ithaca. I had explained to him what he needs to do or avoid on his travels back to his home if he wanted to make it back alive. I kept on telling him more information about his travels until he had rudely ran away frightened while I was in mid sentence. I turned to see what he was frightened from and I saw a depressed woman standing alone. He must have known her, possible a relative. When I looked back in the direction he ran off in there was nothing but fog in that direction.

Odysseys land of the dead

All I can remembers it my Friends, loved ones, my dog, my wife who is without her husband, and a kingdom without a king.  Thanks to Circe we had prevision so that we could walk.. The weather became cold an we could see our breath.  The cold was not the worst. For three day we sailed through a dense fog lacking the sense of direction.  Finally the boat hit the sand bar.  To of my men and I jumped of with two sheep.  All my thoughts became jumbled and confused.  It felt like we were swimming against the tide.  Finally we reached the river of forgetfulness.  We dug two hols and slit the throats of the sheep.  The dark blood pooled in the hole.  Shapes began to form to drink the blood of the sheep.  They made my soldiers shake.  I needed to wait for the blind prophet.  My men were son something like a trance, but without then I could see who I though was the prophet.  He drank and he saw that I was Odysseus.  He said I will have a hard journey and that there is only one way to go home which is to learn humanity.  during the voyage I will see cattle gazing.  Don't stop there the sun gods.  If I over come this island I must leave behind my men and carry an oar inland.  A man will ask me what a oar is.  I will truly nobody here.  I must plant the oar in the ground and then sacrifice  a ram, bull, and breading boar. This will give peace for me.  Al of a sudden I saw something.  I broke out into a run.  What I saw was my mother.  It could not be possible if I ever got home see wont be there, she had died.  

Land of the dead (Odyssey mother)

The mother of Odyssey, who was an amiable old lady, longing for her son. During odyssey's journey, she missed her son in day and night. In the evening, she sat on a big rock by the ocean, watching the orange sun gradually sink down to the sea, and thought about where her son is and what he is doing now. She was so eager to see her son again, even just one time. However, her fate was tragic, she did not see her son in the last of her life. After twenty years, when Odyssey finally back to his lovely homeland, he can only kneel in front of the tomb of his mother, sobbing.                                                                                                                                                                      

We have been sailing for what it seems to be forever ever since we escaped the dragon and whirlpool, with no wind to help us sail. In the distance I could see land, and cattle grazing with no sign of human life. Odysseus told us to continue sailing, I was furious and thought he was a god in disguise because he had no pity. I desired to land on shore, although for some reason Odysseus told us not to touch the cattle. That night, I suddenly I woke up to a terrible storm for what seemed to be the sea and the sky at war with one another, so I frantically woke up Odysseus. I told him I was right for landing on shore because we would have died while being stuck in the storm. We went weeks without food so we came up with a plan to offer the gods the best cuts of the meats from the cattle. It worked, all the gods wanted was the respect they deserved. We loaded the meat aboard the ship and a strange looking cloud appeared, and out of no where a thunder bolt struck us and demolished the boat to pieces. I was frantically trying to escape the world pool of caryptus, but there was no chance, not even Zeus could help us.